It's been months, and it feels like yesterday.

     My life was changed on June 5, 2009.  I had been working at the hospital for only 2 days.  I always had my cell phone on me, but always on silent.  That day, I had it on vibrate.  I got a 2 texts within minutes of each other.  I but didn't check them until about 30 minutes later.  I saw that the first one was from Dave, and then the other was from my friend Amanda.  I went into the break room and checked the messages.  I saw the words " John died in a car wreck last night ".  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  The tears started pouring out and I couldn't even get words out to tell my co-workers what happened.  I called my dad at work and studder sobbed the words out.  I could hear the pain in my dads voice.  I couldn't even imagine the pain his parents were going through.  I decided to stay at work until about 5pm that day. I knew if I went home, I'd make myself sick and I had to get my mind off what happened because I didn't want to believe it was true.  After work, Chelsea ( Daves brother's girlfriend) and I met up with Dave and Dan and about 20 of our friends from high school at a local bar and grill before we all went over the John's parents house.  The feeling in the air was during dinner was so weird.  Everyone was tearstained, there was times of silence, laughter, and memory sharing.  Then there were Fuzzy Navel shots, because thats how John would have had it.  We took his favorite in his memory.  Then we made the trek to his parents house.  It hurt my heart to see his and hear his mothers gutwrenching cries, to see his father's pain stricken face, to see my boyfriend cry at the loss of one of his best friends.  I've never felt that kind of pain before.  I didn't know how to respond to Dave's emotions.  I didn't know how to respond to my own emotions.  It hit me in waves.  I'd be fine for a while, but then a memory would come to mind and my stomach would turn and a lump would form in my throat.  Today it still hurts like hell....and it's been 8 months.  However, in those 8 months, I've learned so much about how precious life is.  John truely lived every single day of his short life like it was his last.  He never failed to make me laugh.  He loved his momma and strived to be like his Daddy.  He was their baby.  Their only child.  Over these past 8 months, Dave and I have gotten extremely close to his parents.  I think our presence helps them, and they help us.  Anyways, these two songs, were played at his funeral.   Never Alone by Lady Antebellum and Simple Man, by Lynyrd Skynyrd.  When I hear them, sometimes I smile, and sometimes I cry...but every time, I think of John.

May the angels protect you

Trouble neglect you

And heaven accept you when it's time to go home

May you always have plenty

Your glass never empty

Know in your belly

You're never alone

May your tears come from laughing

You find friends worth having

With every year passing

They mean more than gold

May you win and stay humble

Smile more than grumble

And know when you stumble

You're never alone

Never alone

Never alone

I'll be in every beat of your heart

When you face the unknown

Whereever you fly

This isn't goodbye

My love will follow you, stay with you

Baby you're never alone

Well, I have to be honest

As much as I want it

I'm not gonna promise that cold winds won't blow
So when hard times have found you

And your fear surround you

Wrap my love around you

You're never alone

Never alone

Never alone

I'll be in every beat of your heart

When you face the unknown

Wherever you fly

This isn't goodbye

My love will follow you stay, with you

Baby you're never alone.

John and I at Sr. Prom in 2006

Mama told me when I was young

Come sit beside me, my only son

And listen closely to what I say.

And if you do this

It will help you some sunny day.

Take your time... Don't live too fast,

Troubles will come and they will pass.

Go find a woman and you'll find love,

And don't forget son,

There is someone up above.

And be a simple kind of man.

Be something you love and understand.

Be a simple kind of man.

Won't you do this for me son,

If you can?

Forget your lust for the rich man's gold

All that you need is in your soul,

And you can do this if you try.

All that I want for you my son,

Is to be satisfied.

 

Boy, don't you worry... you'll find yourself.

Follow you heart and nothing else.

And you can do this if you try.

All I want for you my son,

Is to be satisfied

.

I miss you John.  You're in my heart forever.