Because I knew you...

A year ago today...almost a year ago this very hour, I lost a friend.

A year ago, my life changed forever.

A year ago, I felt pain that I've never felt before. 

A year ago, I witnessed a mother mourn for her only child, and a father at a loss for words.

A year ago, I witnessed several grown men weep for their friend.

Today is bitter bittersweet.  Not only does it mark the one year anniversary of John's death, but it is my brother's and boyfriend's sisters' graduation day.   I have no idea how I can fake a smiley face.  I'm so happy for them, but tomorrow I don't know if I can be truly show it. 

My heart hurts so bad for his parents.  I left their house just a few hours ago.  I could see the pain in their eyes. I could hear the pain in their voices. It broke my heart like it did a year ago. 

This song has been in my head since seeing this show on last Saturday....but the words of this couldn't be more true. 

I've heard it said

That people come into our lives for a reason

Bringing something we must learn

And we are led

To those who help us most to grow

If we let them

And we help them in return

Well, I don't know if I believe that's true

But I know I'm who I am today

Because I knew you...

Like a comet pulled from orbit

As it passes a sun

Like a stream that meets a boulder

Halfway through the wood

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

But because I knew you

I have been changed.... for good.

It well may be

That we will never meet again

In this lifetime

So let me say before we part

So much of me

Is made of what I learned from you

You'll be with me

Like a handprint on my heart

And now whatever way our stories end

I know you have re-written mine

By being my friend...

I love you John Daniel.